Is it hard on children going back and forth? Children are often hurt more by infrequent contact with one parent than by the inconvenience of going back and forth. They usually get used to living in two homes when parents cooperate and there are not continual conflicts between parents.

No matter what plan parents agree on, it is important that the plan be in writing and each parent have a copy. One copy should also be submitted to the attorneys. It may take several weeks or months to determine whether or not a particular plan is workable. Special attention should be given to the children's reaction and parents should be willing to make changes to suit the children's and parent's needs. From time to time changes will be necessary. Plans should not be thought of as "cast in concrete."

When do families need professional help?
The following conditions may suggest the need for professional help:

• If parents experience difficulty in communicating with one another; if there is violence between any family members; if there is a lack of involvement with the child by either parent;
• If either parent or child has the following problems:
  • Delinquent or self-destructive behavior; frequent daydreaming or withdrawal from any relationships; school problems; depression or anxiety that just doesn't go away; alcohol or drug abuse; inability to talk about feelings; children siding with one parent against the other.

Seeking help early can often prevent serious, lasting problems.

Where can parents find professional help? Individual counseling and/or family counseling can be found by contacting:

• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists
  1717 K Street, N.W.
  Washington, D.C. 20036
• Conciliation Court or Family Court; Family Service Agencies; Mental Health agencies; Child Guidance clinics; Private mental health professionals; Family doctors; Ministers, priests or rabbis.

Choose a counselor as you would a doctor or lawyer. You have a right to ask about credentials, training and experience in helping people with your type of problem. Do not head blindly for the yellow pages in the telephone directory, since such listings may include persons with inadequate training, or no training at all.