How can parents reassure children about the future when parents are upset themselves? Children are reassured when they realize that their parents are not divorcing them, that each parent will continue taking care of them, and that it is okay for them to love both their parents.

Parents can reassure children by being honest about their feelings and letting them know it is natural to be upset at a time like this. In some way parents should help children understand that although this is a very painful period, it is temporary and will pass. It takes time for everyone in the family to heal.

What is joint custody?

Joint legal custody means that both parents are legally authorized to participate in making major decisions about their children's health, education and welfare.

Joint physical custody means that the children spend frequent and significant amounts of time with each parent. There are numerous joint physical custody options-not necessarily 50-50. The specific time sharing plan should be determined by the special needs of the children as they grow and needs change.

When parents do not live in the same school district, care must be taken to establish a schedule which does not interfere with the child's time in school. A suitable joint physical custody plan can work even when parents do not reside in the same city, state, or country, by alternating school and vacation periods.

A written parenting plan, mutually acceptable to both parents, should be worked out, preferably by the parents themselves. Court counseling services, private and public resources are often available to assist parents in developing such a plan.

Will things ever get settled so I can get on with my life? Matters regarding the children should be kept separate from financial matter. Financial matters will eventually get settled either by agreement between parties through help of attorneys, or through a decision by the court. No matter what the settlement is, children still have a right to have two parents following the divorce. When a marriage comes to an end, there is a lot of hurt, anger, and sadness, which takes time to work through. Although many people doubt that their lives will ever be whole again, people do create new lives for themselves. It takes some people a longer time than others to accept the divorce, some keep trying to hang on to the marriage instead of letting go. Life can become easier when parents:

• Allow themselves to accept the divorce; are willing to meet together to develop a mutually acceptable parenting plan; share the pleasures and responsibilities of parenthood; respect the other parent's need for privacy and separate relationships; are patient with each other and themselves until things get settled; seek professional help when needed.