Why do some parents stop seeing the children after a divorce? Sometimes a parent stops seeing the children because of constant hassle with the other parent. A parent may stop seeing the children for awhile because each separation is very painful. The unintended result may be that the children feel abandoned. Sometimes a parent stops seeing the children because he or she believes it's too confusing for the children to have to go back and forth. Parents often do not realize a child's lasting pain in losing contact with a parent.

Divorce is such a painful and disorganizing experience that, unfortunately, many parents are temporarily blinded to the needs of the children at a time when they need them most.

What if a parent will not pay child support? Paying child support is an important parental responsibility. Children should not be burdened with child support problems or be made to ask for child support. Such matters should be settled between parents. When this is not possible, legal assistance should be sought. Court enforced remedies are available.

Child support should be paid regularly and promptly. As important as paying child support is, children should not be kept from seeing a parent because child support has not been paid. Money and parent-child relationships are two separate things and should be kept apart to avoid more suffering for the child.

How can a parent deal with a stepparent or the new person in the other parent's life? It is natural to experience feelings of rejection, jealously and rage when a former spouse has a new relationship. There may even be a desire to try to stop that relationship, but such attempts can only lead to more problems.

Some people find it comforting to express their fears and anxieties by talking about them with friends or a therapist. Others may find relief by writing their feelings down in a diary or by expressing them in physical or artistic activities.

In addition to the pain of losing a spouse, parents may also be afraid of losing their important place in their child's life. It is often comforting to know that parents generally can never be replaced, even when the child enjoys a good relationship with the new person.

Children should be given permission to love all the people in their lives. They need all the love they can get.

How can a stepparent help the children? Step-parents should encourage the children to honor and respect both their parents and not to take sides. Stepparents can be special friends to the children. They should not try to compete, replace or be critical of the legal or biological parents. When stepparents put down the child's parent, the child feels worse about himself and less loving toward the stepparent.