How can parents prepare children for the separation or divorce? Whenever possible it is best for both parents to call a family meeting to prepare the children for the separation or divorce. Give the children a simple explanation that they can understand about the divorce, without blaming anyone. Tell the children they will be cared for by both parents even though the parents won't be living together any more. The children need to be reassured from time to time that they will continue to be cared for and loved by both parents as well as grandparents and other relatives.

What kinds of things are especially damaging for children? It is damaging to children when:

• Children do not get to spend enough nurturing time with both parents;
• Parents threaten to send children away or to leave children if they do not behave;
• Parents use children to carry angry messages back and forth;
• Children are made to believe that one parent is good and the other is bad;
• Children don't feel free to love both parents and also stepparents;
• Parents do not prepare children for changes that will occur;
• Parents burden children with adult problems like finances, legal matters, etc.;
• Parents expect children to comfort them instead of seeking adult relationships;
• Parents neglect their own needs and/or the needs of the children by overwhelming themselves with the entire responsibility of raising the children, instead of encouraging the other to share in this responsibility.

What kinds of parenting plans are there? There are parenting plans in which one parent has most of the responsibility for the care of the children, such as in sole custody plans. There are plans in which both share time and responsibility for the children more equally, such as in joint legal and joint physical custody plans. (See question regarding joint custody). The most beneficial plans are those that are discussed and accepted by both parents.

What kind of parenting plan is best for children? The best plans are those based upon the changing needs of the children. Such plans encourage and promote a close, separate and ongoing relationship with each parent. In addition, plans should encourage children to maintain contact with their relatives-especially with their grandparents. This assures that the children will receive the love they need.