What does working together as parents really mean? Working together as parents mean cooperating with the other parent about raising the children, no matter how the parents feel about each other. It means working out a parenting plan that gives the children enough time to be cared for by both parents and following the plan that is mutually acceptable to both parents. Working together as parents also means both parents sharing responsibility for the children's care, respecting the other parent's rights and privacy, and developing a method of communication for discussing serious problems regarding the children. This kind of cooperative relationship can begin before the separation or soon after separation.

Why should parents cooperate when they don't like each other? When parents cooperate the children have a better chance for a secure and satisfying life. It is important to cooperate, not just for the sake of the children, but for the parents' benefit as well. When they cooperate the following is possible:

• better parent-child relationships; fewer problems for the children; more personal satisfaction for the parents and less frustration; less visitation problems; less child support problems; less going back to court; easier sharing of responsibility; more freedom from conflict; fewer health, emotional, school and social problems.

How can parents ease the hurt for children? Some common emotions children and parents experience in connection with separation and divorce are disbelief, anger, anxiety, confusion, guilt, helplessness, loneliness and depression. Children can best deal with these feelings when parents cooperate. What is damaging to children is the loss of ongoing relationships with each parent or witnessing continual conflict. Serious problems can usually be prevented when parents are willing to put their children's interest before their own anger. Contrary to what many people believe, parents can work together even when they don't like each other.
Parents can ease the hurt for children by going out of their way to work together even when they feel angry--
Avoid:

• Blaming each other; arguing and fighting in front of the children; threatening to send the children to live with the other parent.

• Reassuring children that the divorce is not their fault; encouraging them to express their feelings such as fear and anger; giving them permission to continue to love both parents and not take sides; reassuring them that they will be taken care of; preparing the children for the changes.